Quotes of Wisdom Part 1

Some people are gifted with the knack of expressing profoundly deep and complex emotions most beautifully into the simplest of words. This nothing to do with being a master of grammar or knowing the fanciest of words in the dictionary (looking at you Mr. Tharoor!). It does have something to do with intellect and EQ , and yes, it does have something to do with having flair for the language but most importantly I think it has to do with the ability to have the courage to be vulnerable and wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

I have the tendency of saving good quotes that I come across through any medium. Recently, while browsing through my phone, I discovered a deluge of screenshots I had taken over the past year which are mainly quotes of former US Presidential candidate - Pete Buttigieg. This is mainly is a copy and paste post to record record these incredibly thoughtful quotes on a variety of topics mainly from Pete Buttigieg (PB). For a few of the quotes listed, I do want write why they mean so much to me personally. 

1) About the importance of politics 

I’m glad that with all that’s happening in the world right now, it is no longer cool for anyone to say that they don’t care about politics. I think PB’s quotes here capture so beautifully what is at stake.

“My faith teaches that the world is not divided into good people and bad people, that all of us are capable of good and bad things. Today, more than ever, politics matters because leaders can call out either what is best in us or what is worst in us, can draw us either to our better or to our worst selves. Politics at its worst as ugly, but at its best politics can lift us up. It is not just policy making, it is moral. It is soul craft. That is why we were in this.”

“Nothing about politics is theoretical for me. I’ve had the experience of writing a letter to my family, putting it in an envelope marked “just in case”, and leaving it where they would know where to find it in case I didn’t come back from Afghanistan. I’ve experience with being in a marriage that exists by the grace of a single vote on the U.S. Supreme Court. I have the experience of guiding a community where the per capita income was below $20,000 when I took office into a brighter future. I’m running because the decisions we make in the next three or four years are going to decide how the next 30 or 40 go. When I get to the current age of the current president in the year 2055, I want to be able to look back on these years and say -My generation delivered climate solutions, racial equality, and an end to endless war.”

2) About teachers

"I married a teacher. I married up."

“We need to honor teachers more like the military, and pay them more like doctors.”

This is dedicated to my mother who has been a high school english teacher for 25+ odd years and who is one of the main reasons why I like thoughtful words so much. Throughout my life I have seen her slog after school hours, give her heart and soul to her job, make a difference to many students  and I strongly believe that teachers are deserving of more respect and pay. 

3) About being comfortable in your own skin

“Putting yourself out there requires the courage to share your truth. It requires you to stand on the hope that you will be accepted and the faith that you can overcome rejection."

"The strongest people I know are not the loudest people. They are the ones who have the deepest sense of who they are, and what they value, and what they care about.”

Adding this really good quote from Obama along the same lines –

“Being a strong man includes being kind. There's nothing weak about kindness and compassion. There is nothing weak  about looking out for others. You're not a sucker to have integrity and to treat others with respect"

4) About bridging the perception gap between mental and physical health

"The first thing that needs to change before getting into policy is a willingness to talk about this. Mental health struggles affect every family, every work place, every community and every neighborhood is affected. And yet, we still talk about it like it is a specialty issue. Like it only affects a handful of people. We have got to create a culture where it is as acceptable to talk about struggling with bipolar disorder as it is would be talk about a fight with cancer. Where is as routine to seek an emotional health check up as it is a physical one. If we make that change in how we talk about it..and think about serious mental illness and addiction - that makes it so much easier to get the policy right. We do need to elevate these issues and bring them out of the shadows"

5) About religion 

More than 80%(!!!!) of the American Evangelical Christians voted for Donald Trump. I personally know perfectly decent, honourable, pious non American Christians who support this man - who I can only describe as a personification of everything that is wrong with this world. And this because he shifted Israel's US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, has tried to enforce stricter abortion laws  and most ironically (in complete contrast with the Christian 'love thy neighbor' philosophy) has advocated a pretty strong anti immigration stance.   

This has bothered me for a really long time and I could never understand why, considering I am by no means, a religious person. I got my answer through this quote made by Pete Buttigieg about Trump's evangelical Vice President - Mike Pence (one of those deeply religious conservatives who cried bloody murder when Bill Clinton had an extramarital affair while in office in the 90's) 

“It's really strange. I used to disagree with him ferociously but I used to at least believe that he believes in our institutions and was not personally corrupt, but then how could he get on board with this President?"

His interpretation of scripture is pretty different than mine to begin with. My understanding of scripture is that it's about protecting the stranger and the prisoner and the poor person and that idea of welcome. That's what I get in the gospel when I'm at church and his has a lot more to do with sexuality ... and a certain view of rectitude. But even if you buy into that...How would he allow himself to become the cheerleader for the porn star presidency? Is it that he stopped believing in scripture when he started believing Donald Trump? I don't know."

This quote made me remember my hostel warden from my college days - a nun named Sister Hema who I remember as one of the kindest, most empathetic, comforting, caring and non judgmental persons I ever knew. She set an example through her actions of what it was to be a good human being grounded by values and faith without ever preaching or being sanctimonious. I was so inspired by her that from never going to church, I from that time started to go once in a while and observe lent. I would rather be someone like a Sister Hema or a Pete Buttigieg (who seems a decent, kind and intelligent person) who I think is a better representative of what they call Christian values than an unbearable ,sanctimonious and stunning hypocrite like Mike Pence. And I finally realized what REALLY bothers me that unfortunately, it is the latter category of people who have managed to completely hijack the narrative of religion than the former. PB's quote has to be the best take down  I have ever heard of the breathtaking hypocrisy of the Christian right and this was particularly satisfying coming from a religious gay married man. Judging from the furious response including articles, statements and even personal attacks, from religious right wing personalities like Franklin Graham, it is obvious that PB managed to make them squirm and put them on complete defensive for once. If nothing else, I hope they will now realize that they can't get away with hateful bile just because they wear a self made crown of religion on their heads

6) About love/marriage

Quotes on love more often than not end up being the best quotes because this is when people are at their most vulnerable and the best versions of themselves. It is no different for Pete who is just incredibly good at articulating his feeling towards his husband Chasten. It is so obvious they share a wonderfully happy (touch wood) marriage based on love, belonging and mutual respect. Pete is especially gifted because where romantic expression is concerned, there is a thin line between sounding really heartfelt while classy and sounding over the top and mushy. Paul McCartney is the other person I have long admired for the understated yet deeply moving way he writes about love in his songs

“Earlier, when I was single and when I got to know other mayors and elected officials, I always marvelled at how they did it...I thought how could you possibly have a marriage and also do this and be good at both of those things. But now I kind of think about it the other way round - how could I possibly be doing if it wasn't for Chasten - If I didn't have someone in my life who cares about me ...as me. And who will love me the same no matter how well or how poorly things are going out there. And who will tell me the truth especially if I'm veering off who I truly am and be something in my life that I care about more than the other stuff. I feel like (all that is happening) it’s flowing around us....like water moving around a rock in a river...and it's this thing (the relationship) that I can grab hold of.”

“If you had offered me a pill to make me straight, I would have swallowed it before you had time to get me a sip of water. The main reason it’s hard to think about is that if I had had that opportunity, I would never have found Chasten. That the best thing in my life would not have happened at all. The thing that I can’t even describe without lapsing into clichés. How dark, the thought that the man I admire and care about might not have been part of my life at all. People often talk about things like marriage equality as a moral issue. And it is certainly a moral issue in my personal life. It’s a moral issue because being married to Chasten has made me a better human being. It has made me more compassionate, more understanding, more self-aware and more decent. My marriage to Chasten has made me a better man.”

“It reflected our desire that our marriage be good and useful for others. That you take something like hope and love that lights up not only your life, but that of others"

Lastly, I can’t resist putting a gem of a quote on marriage that I heard through a friend.

“A successful marriage is one where both partners secretly feel that they got the best possible deal in each other.”

Pete Buttigieg

A tribute to my grandad

As I mentioned in my blog earlier, the film 'Coco' had a huge impact on me as a person. There is one aspect of the movie that really stayed with me and my mom when I watched it again with her. It is the concept of how a person even after he is dead, is kept alive by his descendants passing his memories and stories to future generations. With that inspiration in mind, I write this post as my way of keeping my grandfather's memory who passed away less than 2 months ago alive.

One of the wisest persons I have come across - my friend Akhila once told me that the world runs on stories. Stories that inspire, fill one with awe and move one's soul. And that stories can move people in a way that facts and number never can. So instead of describing my grandpa, I will tell a couple of short stories about my granddad who I called Appacha.

Sometime around late 2000's my grandparents realized that their telecom operator was taking advantage of the fact they were senior citizens and low tech/low info users and was almost every other day forcibly injecting add on unnecessary services like caller tune etc. where money was being deducted from their pre paid balance on a daily basis. Appacha was quite furious about this but being of an older generation, I'm not sure whether he tried to resolve it by calling and blasting customer care. So he fought the only way he knew how. He shot an angry letter to the telecom minister of that time who was also a Malayali where he lambasted the telecom operator of being full of  'cheats' and 'thieves'. Quite remarkably, the minister actually replied to the letter and actually directed the telecom operator to not only refund the money that they had deducted for the add on services that my grandparents had never asked for but also apologize to Appacha which they did!

This story illustrates what I admired and loved about my grandfather. In my family of predominantly  'thinkers' from where I have inherited most of my characteristics from , he was refreshingly a 'doer' within the boundaries that his circumstances allowed him. He was a physically active national level basket ball player who received an award from the President of India at that time - S Radhakrishnan. Even in his 70's I remember him playing with his football and cycling on his bike when we would visit him during our summer vacations. He was a linguist - he formally learnt Spanish and then taught himself Italian, Portuguese, French and Latin and used these skills to supplement his income by doing translation of scientific docs after his work hours at his government job. He managed to carve out of his own world of happiness after he retired where he absolutely loved gardening, cooking non veg food, going for long walks and reading voraciously. I feel a pang of regret remembering the times I was most uncooperative when he tried to teach me Spanish or cooking or get me into gardening. We had our serious generational differences of opinion that caused some friction sometimes but at the end of the day, he doted on me and always had my back. I specifically remember an instance where I was walking with Appacha to our local market when in college. The area where we were staying had a lot of monkeys in it. Suddenly there were a couple of ferocious looking monkeys that broke from the troop and made their way towards me menacingly. I started screaming. Appacha with his big 6 foot frame came in front of me and covered me entirely. The monkeys tried to attack him going as far as to bite his leg. Thankfully he managed to drive the monkeys away with a big rock and the monkeys only managed to bite his pant sleeve so he did not have to get a tetanus shot. 

When someone you have known since the day you were born and has had such an influential role in your life leaves you, it is like the ground shifts beneath you. I wish I had consciously tried to imbibe his good qualities more when he was around and I was growing up. Now after his passing, I want to be more like him in terms of doing more and thinking less. And make my own happiness instead of wasting precious time lamenting that the world is not handing it to me in a platter.  

Thanks for everything, Appacha. I will never ever ever ever forget you. 

View regarding the polarizing 2020 political climate

A few years ago, a friend of mine who was scouting for an apartment to live in the US had shown me a couple of ads where the last line of the ad was "Trump voters/supporters may please excuse". At that time, I found this amusing and I was kind of comforted and relieved about the fact that no matter how polarized things got in our country, it would never lead to or at least never lead me to mindlessly cut contact or discriminate against or judge people based on them holding different political beliefs than I do and vice versa. 

My political belief is pretty clear. I believe that embracing diversity strengthens a country. Case in point the United States of America which is a land of immigrants from all across the world has been the most prosperous and powerful country in the world since decades. I am proud of India that we at least in principle through our constitution have made a conscious decision to not treat minorities the way our neighboring countries treat their minorities. We as Indians from all walks life have celebrated and paid respect to our diversity by for example revering prominent Hindu cricketers or Muslim entertainers or Parsi businessmen or Christian educational institutions. 

A rude, sobering wake up call the last 6 years was to realize that far far more people than I thought not only do not subscribe to but for whatever reasons (one of the biggest being minority appeasement politics) actually resent this line of thinking. But the truth is that it is almost impossible to hate up close. Which means that when we actually know a fellow co worker or family member or friend or batch mate etc. on a personal level we appreciate, a lot of times like them as human beings and respect that they are a product of their experiences and socio-economic up bringing and we most of the times have the maturity to not hold their political beliefs against them. Which is what makes social media so insidious. The impersonal contact facilitated by social media and gutter politics is a fertile ground for spreading hatred. So is the solution withdrawing from social media and not get into futile arguments where nobody is going to change their mind?

In fact a lot of my well wishers have implored me to shut up about politics (in a nice way) on social media. To be honest it is good for the peace of mind. But what when it gets too much? What is happening in our country has gone way beyond arguing the merits and demerits of a law that has been passed and the protest that have followed it. We are so polarized that we as a society can't even come to an agreement that it is absolutely intolerable for a mob armed with knives, acid and rods  to grievously injure students while moving freely and with impunity on campus or for the police to fire tear gas shells inside the library of another prestigious educational institution. So the government expects us to believe that it will protect persecuted minorities from neighboring countries while it can't safeguard its own students? Accountability in a democracy means that  the people have the right to demand answers to uncomfortable questions from the government no matter how powerful the mandate. At some point, silence becomes complicity. At a time where the economy is in doldrums, NE & Kashmir are burning , campuses are in mayhem, our international reputation in is the dust, it is astounding to me that the govts priority appears to further enhancing the climate of division and intimidation. The only conclusion in this complicated situation that I can come to is that as adults, we have to find a fine balance between making our voice be heard and not spreading polarization and division and most foolish of all, not jeopardize relationships. There is this talk about 'new age' skills that our generation needs to incorporate in order to survive in this modern world. I would definitely put the ability to separate people's politics from the person that they are and their relationship with us on top of the list.