On October 28th 2023, the world mourned the untimely demise of Matthew Perry best known for playing the iconic Chandler Bing in the cultural behemoth of a show named FRIENDS. Matthew is a guy who battled his demons in terms of drug/alcohol abuse almost all his life and finally turned corner in recent years and wanted to help people with addiction issues, even writing a book on overcoming the same last year. FRIENDS is my favourite TV show and Chandler my favourite TV character ever so I was truly devastated to hear the news. And clearly I was not the only by just glancing at the social media outpouring of grief when the news came out.
I think what was so upsetting for any FRIENDS fan is that Matthew ended up living Chandler's greatest fear in that episode where Heckles dies where he is most afraid of dying alone in his home. Which is so ironic because his fictional Chandler has such an inspiring redemption arc in the show. In the beginning of the show, Chandler outwardly has a lot of things going on for him – good looks, great wit, steady job and financially stability. But he is emotionally messed up from childhood - extremely awkward, insecure and in his words ‘hopeless and desperate for love’ but he slowly but surely comes out of his internal struggles mostly due to his close friendships and his love for Monica ....and ultimately grows into a stable and emotionally secure adult by the end of the last season. His character resonated with so many, precisely because, he wasn’t presented as some super confident, idealized dream boat. In some way, even as a fictional character, Chandler gives people hope that things will work out eventually whatever complicated mess or insecurities they have going on. And I guess what's particularly distressing is that Matthew, whose personality is at the very least partially enmeshed with Chandler's, couldn’t bring to life Chandler's redemption. I guess it's ridiculous to expect what happens in a TV show to happen real life.
So do Matthews efforts to return to sobriety count for nothing? One of my closest friends once told me that life is about finding moments of joy amid struggle. And I do think at the end of the day, no one is guaranteed anything, even those people who have the strongest sense of belonging could end up dying alone. But that doesn’t mean we stop fighting and trying for what is truly important to us. I think that’s what Matthew did. He tried and looks like he did get some peace in the end. And even amidst that intense struggle he had, he built a legacy of providing comfort and laughter to millions (and when we count across generations probably billions) especially during their tough times. He built a family of this own through his cast members who clearly loved him dearly and eventually went on to help people caught in the spiral of addiction. And despite his life being tragically cut short, that is still an incredibly fulfilling life to have lived. Rest In Peace, Matthew Perry. You will be cherished for generations to come.
PS - We must do better as a society to deal with the social stigma and shame that surrounds addiction. Addiction is not because of mental 'weakness' but is a disease as should be treated as such.
