Rest in Peace, Matthew Perry!

On October 28th 2023, the world mourned the untimely demise of Matthew Perry best known for playing the iconic Chandler Bing in the cultural behemoth of a show named FRIENDS. Matthew is a guy who battled his demons in terms of drug/alcohol abuse almost all his life and finally turned corner in recent years and wanted to help people with addiction issues, even writing a book on overcoming the same last year. FRIENDS is my favourite TV show and Chandler my favourite TV character ever so I was truly devastated to hear the news. And clearly I was not the only by just glancing at the social media outpouring of grief when the news came out. 

I think what was so upsetting for any FRIENDS fan is that Matthew ended up living Chandler's greatest fear in that episode where Heckles dies where he is most afraid of dying alone in his home. Which is so ironic because his fictional Chandler has such an inspiring redemption arc in the show. In the beginning of the show, Chandler outwardly has a lot of things going on for him – good looks, great wit, steady job and financially stability. But he is emotionally messed up from childhood -  extremely awkward, insecure and in his words ‘hopeless and desperate for love’ but he slowly but surely comes out of his internal struggles mostly due to his close friendships and his love for Monica ....and ultimately grows into a stable and emotionally secure adult by the end of the last season. His character resonated with so many, precisely because, he wasn’t presented as some super confident, idealized dream boat. In some way, even as a fictional character, Chandler gives people hope that things will work out eventually whatever complicated mess or insecurities they have going on. And I guess what's particularly distressing is that Matthew, whose personality is at the very least partially enmeshed with Chandler's, couldn’t bring to life Chandler's redemption. I guess it's ridiculous to expect what happens in a TV show to happen real life.   

So do Matthews efforts to return to sobriety count for nothing? One of my closest friends once told me that life is about finding moments of joy amid struggle. And I do think at the end of the day, no one is guaranteed anything, even those people who have the strongest sense of belonging could end up dying alone. But that doesn’t mean we stop fighting and trying for what is truly important to us. I think that’s what Matthew did. He tried and looks like he did get some peace in the end. And even amidst that intense struggle he had, he built a legacy of providing comfort and laughter to millions (and when we count across generations probably billions) especially during their tough times. He built a family of this own through his cast members who clearly loved him dearly and eventually went on to help people caught in the spiral of addiction. And despite his life being tragically cut short, that is still an incredibly fulfilling life to have lived. Rest In Peace, Matthew Perry. You will be cherished for generations to come.

PS - We must do better as a society to deal with the social stigma and shame that surrounds addiction. Addiction is not because of mental 'weakness' but is a disease as should be treated as such. 

Grit inspires

During the 46th POTUS inauguration, this tweet really caught my eye. A cursory glance at Joe Biden's life reveals a lot of tragedy and heartbreak - losing a spouse, a baby daughter, an adult son and a severe stuttering condition in childhood among other things. I don't know how people can function losing one let alone 2 children. Even in his professional life,  before this point, he had 2 failed presidential campaigns and till the very last moment of the 2020 primary campaign, the media had completely written him off as an ancient, uninspiring gaffe prone candidate. His ascent to presidency at the age of 78 has to be one of the most underrated, unglamorous stories of grit and resilience. There have been a couple of viral videos of his where during townhalls, people ask him about overcoming grief ...about overcoming a confidence crushing condition that you are born with or cannot help (stutter in his case). The humanity and empathy with which he has addressed those questions is remarkable. He's like that comforting grandpa who reassures you that things are gonna be ok even if it feels otherwise. And when a person who has endured the kind of pain in life that he has, says that things are going to be okay, you can't help but believe him. 

This begs the question - How does one not get crushed by the weight of shit that life often throws at you? How do you not get completely consumed and overwhelmed by life's difficulties? I think this is a question, I will spend a lifetime trying to get an answer to. Even current affairs can be very depressing. 2020 especially felt like being hit by a firehose of bad news on a daily basis. How do you not get disillusioned by world we live in?

 I have some half baked theories on this which I will pen down and revisit every once in a while. 

A part of it is to do with finding purpose in life larger than one self. Engaging in activities you find meaning in. Building and investing in meaningful relationships that help weather pretty nasty storms. 

Another major part of it which is tough to explain and way more difficult to adopt is to get out of your head (something that needs way too many reminders to sink in even partially). When you view the world through just the myopic lens of your struggle , you fail to realize that not only is there a lot of suffering outside your small bubble, but more importantly there is a lot of overcoming of it too. If I talk from personal experience, I worked for about 1.5 years at a non profit that aimed at empowering underprivileged, adolescent girls to be more self reliant. The kind of stories I heard of the economic difficulties and social constraints that women from underserved sections of society face that stop them from achieving their true potential were gut wrenching. But at the same time, day in and day out, I would see the kind of drive, the determination and hope that these girls mustered to overcome some of the toughest circumstances and get jobs or pursue higher studies and even better, enlighten their communities with knowledge and skills (like financial literacy and digital skills) that improved quality of living. Also, I was exposed to some of the most ethical, compassionate and intelligent people who busted their ass to make people's lives better and who I was privileged to call my colleagues in my short stint which was a direct counter to the narrative that I had gleaned from the news that everything in this world is shitty and there is no hope. 

At a  time, where the public needs to hear more stories of people overcoming odds and the good that exists in society, most unfortunately, 24X7 news and social media is designed to give disproportionate attention to the flamboyant provocateurs, the lunatics, showboats, the radicals and the people who want to burn the system down. What our media miserably fails to highlight is the contribution of countless nameless and faceless behind the scenes people who do the drudge work to improve people's lives and solve their problems - the policy wonks, the social workers, nurses, teachers, etc. I think is this internal realization that there is lot of overcoming of suffering in the world or atleast an attempt at it is important because the next time life throws curveballs at you, you can take comfort or find motivation in the fact that you're not the only one getting hit and can eventually find the strength to get back up, duck and move forward.

Quotes of Wisdom Part 1

Some people are gifted with the knack of expressing profoundly deep and complex emotions most beautifully into the simplest of words. This nothing to do with being a master of grammar or knowing the fanciest of words in the dictionary (looking at you Mr. Tharoor!). It does have something to do with intellect and EQ , and yes, it does have something to do with having flair for the language but most importantly I think it has to do with the ability to have the courage to be vulnerable and wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

I have the tendency of saving good quotes that I come across through any medium. Recently, while browsing through my phone, I discovered a deluge of screenshots I had taken over the past year which are mainly quotes of former US Presidential candidate - Pete Buttigieg. This is mainly is a copy and paste post to record record these incredibly thoughtful quotes on a variety of topics mainly from Pete Buttigieg (PB). For a few of the quotes listed, I do want write why they mean so much to me personally. 

1) About the importance of politics 

I’m glad that with all that’s happening in the world right now, it is no longer cool for anyone to say that they don’t care about politics. I think PB’s quotes here capture so beautifully what is at stake.

“My faith teaches that the world is not divided into good people and bad people, that all of us are capable of good and bad things. Today, more than ever, politics matters because leaders can call out either what is best in us or what is worst in us, can draw us either to our better or to our worst selves. Politics at its worst as ugly, but at its best politics can lift us up. It is not just policy making, it is moral. It is soul craft. That is why we were in this.”

“Nothing about politics is theoretical for me. I’ve had the experience of writing a letter to my family, putting it in an envelope marked “just in case”, and leaving it where they would know where to find it in case I didn’t come back from Afghanistan. I’ve experience with being in a marriage that exists by the grace of a single vote on the U.S. Supreme Court. I have the experience of guiding a community where the per capita income was below $20,000 when I took office into a brighter future. I’m running because the decisions we make in the next three or four years are going to decide how the next 30 or 40 go. When I get to the current age of the current president in the year 2055, I want to be able to look back on these years and say -My generation delivered climate solutions, racial equality, and an end to endless war.”

2) About teachers

"I married a teacher. I married up."

“We need to honor teachers more like the military, and pay them more like doctors.”

This is dedicated to my mother who has been a high school english teacher for 25+ odd years and who is one of the main reasons why I like thoughtful words so much. Throughout my life I have seen her slog after school hours, give her heart and soul to her job, make a difference to many students  and I strongly believe that teachers are deserving of more respect and pay. 

3) About being comfortable in your own skin

“Putting yourself out there requires the courage to share your truth. It requires you to stand on the hope that you will be accepted and the faith that you can overcome rejection."

"The strongest people I know are not the loudest people. They are the ones who have the deepest sense of who they are, and what they value, and what they care about.”

Adding this really good quote from Obama along the same lines –

“Being a strong man includes being kind. There's nothing weak about kindness and compassion. There is nothing weak  about looking out for others. You're not a sucker to have integrity and to treat others with respect"

4) About bridging the perception gap between mental and physical health

"The first thing that needs to change before getting into policy is a willingness to talk about this. Mental health struggles affect every family, every work place, every community and every neighborhood is affected. And yet, we still talk about it like it is a specialty issue. Like it only affects a handful of people. We have got to create a culture where it is as acceptable to talk about struggling with bipolar disorder as it is would be talk about a fight with cancer. Where is as routine to seek an emotional health check up as it is a physical one. If we make that change in how we talk about it..and think about serious mental illness and addiction - that makes it so much easier to get the policy right. We do need to elevate these issues and bring them out of the shadows"

5) About religion 

More than 80%(!!!!) of the American Evangelical Christians voted for Donald Trump. I personally know perfectly decent, honourable, pious non American Christians who support this man - who I can only describe as a personification of everything that is wrong with this world. And this because he shifted Israel's US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, has tried to enforce stricter abortion laws  and most ironically (in complete contrast with the Christian 'love thy neighbor' philosophy) has advocated a pretty strong anti immigration stance.   

This has bothered me for a really long time and I could never understand why, considering I am by no means, a religious person. I got my answer through this quote made by Pete Buttigieg about Trump's evangelical Vice President - Mike Pence (one of those deeply religious conservatives who cried bloody murder when Bill Clinton had an extramarital affair while in office in the 90's) 

“It's really strange. I used to disagree with him ferociously but I used to at least believe that he believes in our institutions and was not personally corrupt, but then how could he get on board with this President?"

His interpretation of scripture is pretty different than mine to begin with. My understanding of scripture is that it's about protecting the stranger and the prisoner and the poor person and that idea of welcome. That's what I get in the gospel when I'm at church and his has a lot more to do with sexuality ... and a certain view of rectitude. But even if you buy into that...How would he allow himself to become the cheerleader for the porn star presidency? Is it that he stopped believing in scripture when he started believing Donald Trump? I don't know."

This quote made me remember my hostel warden from my college days - a nun named Sister Hema who I remember as one of the kindest, most empathetic, comforting, caring and non judgmental persons I ever knew. She set an example through her actions of what it was to be a good human being grounded by values and faith without ever preaching or being sanctimonious. I was so inspired by her that from never going to church, I from that time started to go once in a while and observe lent. I would rather be someone like a Sister Hema or a Pete Buttigieg (who seems a decent, kind and intelligent person) who I think is a better representative of what they call Christian values than an unbearable ,sanctimonious and stunning hypocrite like Mike Pence. And I finally realized what REALLY bothers me that unfortunately, it is the latter category of people who have managed to completely hijack the narrative of religion than the former. PB's quote has to be the best take down  I have ever heard of the breathtaking hypocrisy of the Christian right and this was particularly satisfying coming from a religious gay married man. Judging from the furious response including articles, statements and even personal attacks, from religious right wing personalities like Franklin Graham, it is obvious that PB managed to make them squirm and put them on complete defensive for once. If nothing else, I hope they will now realize that they can't get away with hateful bile just because they wear a self made crown of religion on their heads

6) About love/marriage

Quotes on love more often than not end up being the best quotes because this is when people are at their most vulnerable and the best versions of themselves. It is no different for Pete who is just incredibly good at articulating his feeling towards his husband Chasten. It is so obvious they share a wonderfully happy (touch wood) marriage based on love, belonging and mutual respect. Pete is especially gifted because where romantic expression is concerned, there is a thin line between sounding really heartfelt while classy and sounding over the top and mushy. Paul McCartney is the other person I have long admired for the understated yet deeply moving way he writes about love in his songs

“Earlier, when I was single and when I got to know other mayors and elected officials, I always marvelled at how they did it...I thought how could you possibly have a marriage and also do this and be good at both of those things. But now I kind of think about it the other way round - how could I possibly be doing if it wasn't for Chasten - If I didn't have someone in my life who cares about me ...as me. And who will love me the same no matter how well or how poorly things are going out there. And who will tell me the truth especially if I'm veering off who I truly am and be something in my life that I care about more than the other stuff. I feel like (all that is happening) it’s flowing around us....like water moving around a rock in a river...and it's this thing (the relationship) that I can grab hold of.”

“If you had offered me a pill to make me straight, I would have swallowed it before you had time to get me a sip of water. The main reason it’s hard to think about is that if I had had that opportunity, I would never have found Chasten. That the best thing in my life would not have happened at all. The thing that I can’t even describe without lapsing into clichés. How dark, the thought that the man I admire and care about might not have been part of my life at all. People often talk about things like marriage equality as a moral issue. And it is certainly a moral issue in my personal life. It’s a moral issue because being married to Chasten has made me a better human being. It has made me more compassionate, more understanding, more self-aware and more decent. My marriage to Chasten has made me a better man.”

“It reflected our desire that our marriage be good and useful for others. That you take something like hope and love that lights up not only your life, but that of others"

Lastly, I can’t resist putting a gem of a quote on marriage that I heard through a friend.

“A successful marriage is one where both partners secretly feel that they got the best possible deal in each other.”

Pete Buttigieg

A tribute to my grandad

As I mentioned in my blog earlier, the film 'Coco' had a huge impact on me as a person. There is one aspect of the movie that really stayed with me and my mom when I watched it again with her. It is the concept of how a person even after he is dead, is kept alive by his descendants passing his memories and stories to future generations. With that inspiration in mind, I write this post as my way of keeping my grandfather's memory who passed away less than 2 months ago alive.

One of the wisest persons I have come across - my friend Akhila once told me that the world runs on stories. Stories that inspire, fill one with awe and move one's soul. And that stories can move people in a way that facts and number never can. So instead of describing my grandpa, I will tell a couple of short stories about my granddad who I called Appacha.

Sometime around late 2000's my grandparents realized that their telecom operator was taking advantage of the fact they were senior citizens and low tech/low info users and was almost every other day forcibly injecting add on unnecessary services like caller tune etc. where money was being deducted from their pre paid balance on a daily basis. Appacha was quite furious about this but being of an older generation, I'm not sure whether he tried to resolve it by calling and blasting customer care. So he fought the only way he knew how. He shot an angry letter to the telecom minister of that time who was also a Malayali where he lambasted the telecom operator of being full of  'cheats' and 'thieves'. Quite remarkably, the minister actually replied to the letter and actually directed the telecom operator to not only refund the money that they had deducted for the add on services that my grandparents had never asked for but also apologize to Appacha which they did!

This story illustrates what I admired and loved about my grandfather. In my family of predominantly  'thinkers' from where I have inherited most of my characteristics from , he was refreshingly a 'doer' within the boundaries that his circumstances allowed him. He was a physically active national level basket ball player who received an award from the President of India at that time - S Radhakrishnan. Even in his 70's I remember him playing with his football and cycling on his bike when we would visit him during our summer vacations. He was a linguist - he formally learnt Spanish and then taught himself Italian, Portuguese, French and Latin and used these skills to supplement his income by doing translation of scientific docs after his work hours at his government job. He managed to carve out of his own world of happiness after he retired where he absolutely loved gardening, cooking non veg food, going for long walks and reading voraciously. I feel a pang of regret remembering the times I was most uncooperative when he tried to teach me Spanish or cooking or get me into gardening. We had our serious generational differences of opinion that caused some friction sometimes but at the end of the day, he doted on me and always had my back. I specifically remember an instance where I was walking with Appacha to our local market when in college. The area where we were staying had a lot of monkeys in it. Suddenly there were a couple of ferocious looking monkeys that broke from the troop and made their way towards me menacingly. I started screaming. Appacha with his big 6 foot frame came in front of me and covered me entirely. The monkeys tried to attack him going as far as to bite his leg. Thankfully he managed to drive the monkeys away with a big rock and the monkeys only managed to bite his pant sleeve so he did not have to get a tetanus shot. 

When someone you have known since the day you were born and has had such an influential role in your life leaves you, it is like the ground shifts beneath you. I wish I had consciously tried to imbibe his good qualities more when he was around and I was growing up. Now after his passing, I want to be more like him in terms of doing more and thinking less. And make my own happiness instead of wasting precious time lamenting that the world is not handing it to me in a platter.  

Thanks for everything, Appacha. I will never ever ever ever forget you. 

View regarding the polarizing 2020 political climate

A few years ago, a friend of mine who was scouting for an apartment to live in the US had shown me a couple of ads where the last line of the ad was "Trump voters/supporters may please excuse". At that time, I found this amusing and I was kind of comforted and relieved about the fact that no matter how polarized things got in our country, it would never lead to or at least never lead me to mindlessly cut contact or discriminate against or judge people based on them holding different political beliefs than I do and vice versa. 

My political belief is pretty clear. I believe that embracing diversity strengthens a country. Case in point the United States of America which is a land of immigrants from all across the world has been the most prosperous and powerful country in the world since decades. I am proud of India that we at least in principle through our constitution have made a conscious decision to not treat minorities the way our neighboring countries treat their minorities. We as Indians from all walks life have celebrated and paid respect to our diversity by for example revering prominent Hindu cricketers or Muslim entertainers or Parsi businessmen or Christian educational institutions. 

A rude, sobering wake up call the last 6 years was to realize that far far more people than I thought not only do not subscribe to but for whatever reasons (one of the biggest being minority appeasement politics) actually resent this line of thinking. But the truth is that it is almost impossible to hate up close. Which means that when we actually know a fellow co worker or family member or friend or batch mate etc. on a personal level we appreciate, a lot of times like them as human beings and respect that they are a product of their experiences and socio-economic up bringing and we most of the times have the maturity to not hold their political beliefs against them. Which is what makes social media so insidious. The impersonal contact facilitated by social media and gutter politics is a fertile ground for spreading hatred. So is the solution withdrawing from social media and not get into futile arguments where nobody is going to change their mind?

In fact a lot of my well wishers have implored me to shut up about politics (in a nice way) on social media. To be honest it is good for the peace of mind. But what when it gets too much? What is happening in our country has gone way beyond arguing the merits and demerits of a law that has been passed and the protest that have followed it. We are so polarized that we as a society can't even come to an agreement that it is absolutely intolerable for a mob armed with knives, acid and rods  to grievously injure students while moving freely and with impunity on campus or for the police to fire tear gas shells inside the library of another prestigious educational institution. So the government expects us to believe that it will protect persecuted minorities from neighboring countries while it can't safeguard its own students? Accountability in a democracy means that  the people have the right to demand answers to uncomfortable questions from the government no matter how powerful the mandate. At some point, silence becomes complicity. At a time where the economy is in doldrums, NE & Kashmir are burning , campuses are in mayhem, our international reputation in is the dust, it is astounding to me that the govts priority appears to further enhancing the climate of division and intimidation. The only conclusion in this complicated situation that I can come to is that as adults, we have to find a fine balance between making our voice be heard and not spreading polarization and division and most foolish of all, not jeopardize relationships. There is this talk about 'new age' skills that our generation needs to incorporate in order to survive in this modern world. I would definitely put the ability to separate people's politics from the person that they are and their relationship with us on top of the list. 

Positive influences - 2018

Throughout the year 2018,  I have been blessed to have been exposed to some really positive people who have provided doses of inspiration and optimism in my life when I needed it. Most of them are people that I personally know and I hope I have managed to articulate how thankful I am to them because I do believe when someone makes a positive difference in your life, they deserve to know. This post is dedicated to those couple of individuals who I'll will never get to thank in person because of their scale of influence and well...one of them isn't even real but a fictional character. :/

Michelle Obama

Spouses of world leaders are generally recognized kind of an addendum to the leader not really having stand out qualities of their own. Throughout her 8 years as First Lady, there were glimpses of how special Michelle Obama is in her own right. One of the biggest clues to this is how visibly her husband President Barack Obama (an extraordinary person himself) is in complete AWE of her even after so many years of marriage. I personally took real notice of her when she managed to articulate her feelings of angst passionately and so eloquently against the current President when that infamous Access Hollywood came out giving voice to millions of people who were too outraged to be able to rationalize their emotions. But I think (especially for people outside the US) you get the proper sense of  how really incredible Michelle Obama is when you read her autobiography - Becoming. 

When adjectives like tough, resilient, optimistic, assertive, super smart, kind, compassionate, inspirational, no nonsense among a few can be used to describe one individual in one breath, then it's not really a surprise when that person's spouse or any rational person for that matter is in awe of that person. She is so thoughtful and kind best reflected in the initiatives that she championed as First Lady based on her experiences and convictions. One particularly interesting anecdote was when she was in school, an academically brilliant student with impressive achievements under her belt, she sought advice from her school counsellor about getting into her dream college Princeton. She mentions that the counsellor simply looked at her without even having a look at her resume and said that she was not Princeton material (underlying implication is because of the race factor). This understandably really stung her she says when she got out of that office her first thought was , "I'll show you" and she did. Not only did she get into Princeton but studied in Harvard as well! But reflecting on this incident, she said that the only reason that her confidence was not completely crushed at that point in a system where the odds are already stacked against a woman of colour from a humble family background at such a young age was because of all the wonderful people in her childhood like her mother who invested in her - built her confidence up by believing in her abilities and always encouraging her to reach up to her full potential. Building on that, she realized how it matters when someone shows genuine interest in your learning and development even if it's just 10 minutes which is especially true for overlooked sections of people like girls and minorities. This resulted in her starting a leadership and mentorship program  at the White House where high school girls would be invited for monthly get togethers and be assigned a female mentor to guide them and encourage them to use their voice and speak up in any platform. Similarly the Let Girls Learn initiative on a wider global scale was to encourage girls to reach their full potential.  

When you have worked that hard and are that bright to get into a Harvard and Princeton and fresh out of college, to land a plum job in a prestigious corporate law firm that pays good money, it takes a special kind of courage to take the bold decision to completely switch gears and enter the non profit/government sector looking to make a positive difference which is exactly what she did. However she also is a very practical person and assertive which is clearly illustrated when she mentions in the book how she fought for more pay than the abysmally low pay that she was offered initially by a non profit organization on the grounds that she needed it to meet her expenses and pay off her college loans. In fact she was so convincing and the organization clearly recognizing that she is a rare breed of talent, took the additional step of securing extra funding so that she could be paid more. She repaid that faith by building an effective impactful project from scratch and setting fund raising records.

Barack Obama's dizzying high profile, political life was not something that she particularly asked for but after she gave a green signal to her husband to run for POTUS, she dove right into it and it is amazing how she raised her family in extraordinary circumstances before and during their time in the White House managing to strictly compartmentalize family time and work going as far as not to speak with her husband directly about work but communicate about work related matters through their chief of staff . She speaks of quite a hilarious example where she had to run her desire of getting a new hairstyle through her husband's staff because everyone is so paranoid about optics at that level!  Under brutal scrutiny (from her fashion sense to her perceived aggression) and pressure, she carried herself with dignity, grace and class. Michelle Obama is far from perfect and she has the humility to acknowledge that self doubt has creeped in on several occasions and the reason she has been able to overcome tough times is because she was able to learn from her mistakes and seek help from her family especially her mother and husband who continue be her bedrocks of support, her faith , female friends and even marriage counselling at some point.

Even though invisible and very undefined, the influence of a First Lady platform appears to be quite powerful. And it obvious that Michelle sought to make the best use of it. It's inspiring that she still uses her really powerful voice to stand up for what is right and stick to her moral convictions. Despite her clear disgust with her husband's successor, she still exudes optimism and hope especially in the youth.  And while  I am at my gushing, let me state that her book oozes intellect with insights like 'Failure is a feeling long before it is an actual result' and 'Friendship between women are build on thousand kindnesses' 

The best definition of a woman of substance in my books. 

Newt Scamander

At the outset, I would like to state that though I am a big fan of the Harry Potter books, I could not stand the films (I could not go beyond the third film) because I found the films to be a gross injustice sometimes to the plot of the books but more importantly the characters of the book - the beautiful mostly underdog characters that JK Rowling painstakingly developed with such depth, complexity, humour and heart that made me so emotionally invested in them.

Hence when the Fantastic Beasts series (a prequel to the HP series) of films started in 2016, I was least interested in what I assumed would be an escapist, shallow spectacle where the main hero of the film was mentioned only once or twice in the entire Harry Potter book series as an author of one their school text books - which was as insignificant as it could get However in 2018, I managed to see both the released Fantastic Beasts films and while my suspicions of it being a spectacle were more or less true, it really threw a big surprise with the main protagonist of Newt Scamander played by brilliant British actor Eddie Redmayne. 

I found myself very drawn to Newt especially in the first film of FB. He is a Magizoologist i.e. a person specialized in the study of magical creatures. Newt is an introvert, socially awkward to the point that he cannot even make proper eye contact with people, kind and empathetic person .  Elaborating more on his social awkwardness,  there is a  scene where he is seated on a dinner table with 3 people who he has just met that day during the course of his adventure.  2 of the characters,  Queenie and Jacob are charming extroverts who interact so openly and boisterously while Newt sits there quietly looking extremely uncomfortable, awkward and thoroughly out place and clearly itching to get out - a situation I think hits close home for a lot of introverts, However, he is completely in his element and thoroughly content and comfortable in his own world of magical creatures. Additionally, he is not presented as a conventional hero who kicks ass, seeks glory, is some 'chosen one' and he remarkably just prefers to be low profile and under the radar. His stand out qualities in the film are presented as his kindness and empathy - underrated but exceptional qualities which is quite the departure from a conventional hero representation

   Watching the way Newt treats Jacob (a non magical person) with respect and his equal when his community has such prejudice towards non wizards, the way he always strives for doing whats right and the way he interacts with his magical creatures, his eventual love interest Tina and even the film's main antagonist who is a deeply tormented orphan boy is incredibly endearing and refreshing. Most importantly,  Newt is showcased as being comfortable in his own skin, He has this very quiet confidence and is  secure and humble about his admirable abilities and the person that he is. He does not have a dramatic change in personality during the film to suit the mold of a 'hero' and his friends and Tina likes him for exactly for who he is.  It is a remarkable testament of the writing of JK Rowling who has managed to craft yet another amazing character and Eddie Redmayne's pitch perfect acting, that a character like Newt who would normally get side kick status could pull off 2 films. 

I guess not surprisingly, a lot of people did not agree with me. A lot of reviews panned Newt's character as a main hero in the film. A particularly snarky film review stated rather mockingly  - 'Newt is so good-hearted, simple, and nondescript that it's sort of crazy that he's going to be the centrepiece of four or five more films'. There are even talks that he will be relegated to side kick status in the next few films where he will anyway be overshadowed by the iconic character of Dumbledore played by Jude Law, It's kind of ironic that only this year I had written a pretty long  post about how more in depth, dignified representation of different groups of people matter in popular culture. I had focused a lot on especially how women are covered. But what I had completely missed out on was how men are covered. In a mainstream film , the 'hero' has to be one  who stands out and generally is someone who is drop dead good looking or a genius (generally a tormented soul) or really witty or brawny (read 6 pack abs as a minimum requirement)  performing death defying action sequences or simply very very charismatic. It may be a generalization but most heroes in different genres whether sci-fi or romantic or action/superhero films fall neatly into one or ideally multiple of the mentioned categories. 

Newt turns all these stereotypes on top of its head and for once even if is short lived, it is wonderful to see an awkward, vulnerable, sensitive and kind male lead celebrated in a mainstream fantasy film 

Thanks for making me REALLY proud to be a  Hufflepuff , Newt!

Will sum up this looooong post by not missing out on  -

Honorable mention - Beto O'Rourke 

 A losing candidate in a US Senate race maybe an unconventional choice but I cannot help but mention him - For having the courage to pour his heart, sweat and soul on an 'unwinnable' race and making a contest out of it and the authenticity and integrity with which he did it.  Other than the viral NFL controversy answer, an answer he gave Ellen Show regarding his DUI (Drunken Under Influence) charge against his name, was really inspiring and thoughtful. Ellen asked him to explain himself amidst the criticism he was receiving about his DUI. I found his answer to be quite illuminating. He said that he would not offer any excuses about that charge and he made a huge mistake. But he also pointed out that he did not let that mistake define him because subsequent to that he started a business, married his wife and had a family, became a member of his city council and a 3 term US congressman. More impressively, he said he realized that he was lucky and privileged that as a white man, despite having such a serious charge against his name, he was able to get a second chance. A black person with a DUI would probably not get employment because of he would have to check a box in his job application or not be able to avail student loans. So Beto said that this incident does not define him but on the contrary,  makes him a better person and politician and he wants to make sure that deserving people get second chances in life. Really goes to show that people's mistakes or even achievements for that matter don't really define them but the character they display on a continuous and evolving basis does.  

To be fair, as a person who has nothing to do with the States, I really am not in a position to know whether Beto is more fluff and less substance or whether he should run for President but qualities of decency, morality, back breaking hard work, compassion, inclusiveness and intelligence have universal appeal and considering that according to me, such qualities seem to be sorely missing at powerful, influential public positions worldwide, I hope Beto O'Rourke becomes a prominent name in politics in a positive way.   

An ordinary tale of renewing my passport

Even though some stories are ordinary, they deserve to be told precisely because a lot of us take ordinariness and normalcy and the forces behind it so much for granted. 

My tale is of the time a month ago when I had to renew my passport. After completing the formalities in my local PSK relatively smoothly, I was informed that my passport would be granted pending physical police verification of my current address of residence. A little more than a week later - a Saturday evening, I received a call from a policeman asking me to report to the local police thane with all my documents for verification next morning between 9.30 am to 12.pm. The next Sunday morning, I reported sharp at 9.30 am with the agenda of finishing off with the task and keeping the rest of my day lazy and free. As one college student and I were one of the first ones to arrive, we were ushered into a small cabin where a middle age policeman asked us to fill some forms and one by one checked all our original documents (which for some surprising reason included all the documents since the inception of my existence from birth certificate to mark sheets to all government ids etc) . After having an argument with him regarding my rent agreement document resulting in him lecturing me about how I might get an adverse police report, he, after some fuss, accepted the photocopy of my documents. Finally he mentioned that he would be visiting our residences the next day and asked us to ensure that we would be present. I requested if he could give me some prior intimation before he came as the next day was a working day. He agreed to give a call half an hour prior to coming. As I walked out of his cabin, I noticed the serpentine queue of people that had built up in the  20 odd minutes that we had been in his office.

The next day, it was pouring very heavily in my area the entire day. By 6 pm when I had not received a call from the policeman, I assumed that he would not be coming that day, However at 6.30 pm , I received a call from him saying that he would be coming in half an hour. Now considering I had burnt my fingers with a fiasco of an attempt at renewal of passport exactly a year ago because of  sudden relocation of city, I was determined to pull out all stops to ensure I renewed my passport successfully this time around, I had researched A to Z about the passport renewal process. If you happen to chance upon people's experiences online particularly with the police verification process, it would scare you enough to believe that it is virtually impossible to get a bribe free passport in India. I literally was rehearsing strategies of negotiation in my mind on how to bring down the potential bribe amount which I concluded as inevitable especially as a non local of the city who couldn't speak the local language. I even  kept ready snacks and fruit juice for the guy.

He promptly reached my place within half an hour despite the heavy rain. After he was seated , I offered something to eat or drink which he declined politely but with a bite of impatience saying that he had already had something in the other houses he had visited. He was carrying a tab with him in which I had noticed all the documents I had submitted yesterday had been meticulously uploaded. As he was going on swiping on his tab, to complete the procedure, he was getting interrupted constantly by his ringing mobile phone. In the probably 10 minutes that he was in my house, he received not less than 7 calls. From what I could gather, the content of a few of the calls went like this:

Call 1: A man pressuring him to issue a PCC (Police Clearance Certificate) right now as he was scheduled to leave the country the next day morning!

Call 2: A man literally pleading with him about his adverse police report because he had filled in some wrong details in his application and what he could do about it as he had already initiate visa proceedings for some foreign country

Call 3: A colleague or superior presumably who was asking him about his whereabouts. When he answered he had been visiting houses for passport verification the entire afternoon, the colleague asked him to immediately come to the police station as there was a lady (who sounded very influential) who was waiting for him at the station for some urgent clearance. 

Each call that he was getting reflected some kind of crisis and urgency to the point that even as a mere on looker, I was beginning to get stressed out!

But I have to say that he did not show any signs of pressure, strain and losing his s**t. In fact, he was cool as a cucumber very patiently and calmly explaining about procedures and documents needed. 

Towards the end, I blurted out stupidly in Hindi - 'Sir, you always get these many calls?'. He replied a bit ruefully that generally people take things very easy and always apply for things like PCC/passports etc last moment which results in a lot of unnecessary panic.

He meanwhile completed my verification process in his tab and explained that he had sent a clear report along with all my documents to the Commissioner of Police's office which would review my documents one last time and would send a final go ahead (if everything was ok) to the Passport office to print my passport. He further elaborated that very single day, a person at the Commissioner of Police receives minimum 500 applications for review. (Imagine a hapless soul going through such an avalanche of documents per day)

He  then promptly left on his bike. And no, he did not take a single rupee from me as bribe or anything. 

Given what I witnessed the last 2 days, I couldn't help thinking that day whether he ever got an off and even if he did, whether he could ever escape the constant bombardment of calls from frantic citizens who had urgent and genuine needs. From what I had seen, he did not even have an assistant. 

I guess the whole point of narrating this incident is that most of the times, we are exposed to mostly vilification and sometimes glorification of the police force for things that they do out of the ordinary. But there is the low profile, almost invisible chunk of the police force that work really really hard behind the scenes under severely overworked, high pressure from all kinds of quarters and (what I am sure is not very off mark to assume) very underpaid conditions so as to ensure as much normalcy possible in the functioning of day to day affairs of areas under their jurisdiction. So the next time I grumble about working on alternate Saturdays and some rare Sundays or when I start getting flustered on the days when there are too many calls at work, I'll remind myself of the feeling of respect I felt for this policeman with the way he handled his duties in a job where there is infinitely much more at stake