Wisdom from 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'

Art is a very subjective form of creative expression. There are those rare times where a piece of art, whether a part of music, or a painting or a movie or a book has such an unmatched capability of connecting at various levels of your being, it's not even funny.

"The Perks of being a Wallflower" is about an awkward teenager named Charlie navigating his way through his first year of high school.  It's a book and movie written and directed by the same person - Stephen Chbosky. I had seen the movie a couple of months back. Although, I wouldn't count it as one of my favourite movies, it certainly had some brilliant moments in it.

I managed to read the book today. Basically the book is in the form of a series of letters the main character Charlie who writes to some unknown entity whom he refers to as, "Dear Friend" talking about his life, his thoughts and feelings. He comes with a lot of baggage. He was sexually abused as a kid by his aunt which comes to light by the end of the book, his best friend committed suicide, he is quite a literature geek who gobbles up books, he is one of those socially awkward 'uncool' kids, very sensitive, has a beautiful heart, incredibly genuine, sincere even naive.  But according to me, what really stands out about him is his profound thoughts reflecting maturity way beyond his 15 years of age.  I was struck by some absolute pearls of wisdom scattered throughout the book in Charlie's letters that I felt the need of having a pen handy for underlining some lines which I really do not intend to forget for a very very long time. This is possibly the first non study material book where I have actually felt the need of doing something like this.

Anybody reading this post most likely has watched the movie given its popularity. Frankly, given the writer of the book and director of the movie is the same person, the movie is as possibly close to the book as it can get. The casting of characters is flawless. In fact, some of the crucial moments are expressed much more poignantly in the movie than in the book. This was quite a major surprise for me because I have always belonged to the old school of thought where books beat movies in terms of depth of expression hands down, 

The purpose of writing this post is to pen down those lines of the book which probably did not make it to the movie. Mind you the guy writing these letters is just 15. It obviously would be more ideal to read these lines with context but even as stand alone lines, they do manage to have the intended effect Here goes:

"It would be nice to have a friend again. I would like that even more than a date."

"I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like. It's much easier to not know thing sometimes"

"It's just hard to see a friend hurt this much. Especially when you can't do anything except 'be there'. I want to make him stop hurting, but I can't"

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt I looked 'good'. Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair's right for the first time in your life? I don't think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day. But when it happens, it's nice, it really is."

"Do you enjoy holidays with your family? Personally, I do. I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other."

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that."

"I wish that God or my parents or Sam or my sister or someone would just tell me whats wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in  way that makes sense. To make all this go away. And disappear. I know that's wrong because it's my responsibility, and I know that things get worse before they get better because that's what my psychiatrist says, but this is a worse that feels too big."

"I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember this for the next time I'm having a terrible week. Have you ever done that? You feel really bad, and then it goes away, and you don't know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week coming someday, so I should store as many great details as I can, so during the next terrible week, I can remember those details and believe that I'll feel great again. It doesn't work a lot, but I think it's very important to try.

"I just had an amazing feeling when I finally held the tape in my hand, there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. Right there in the palm of my hand. And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people have got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.  And how much those songs really mean. I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person."

""Inside the card I told Sam that the present I gave her was given to me by Aunt Helen. It was an old 45 year old record that had the Beatles song 'Something'. I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn't mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways. So, I was giving it to Sam."

"I wish I could stop being in love with Sam. I really do."

"I would die for you. But I won't live for you" - quoted from Fountainhead 

"We'll all be talking till its time to go home. Then, when I get home, Mary Elizabeth will call me right away and ask me, "What's up?" And I don't know what to say because the only thing new in my life is my walk home, which isn't a lot. But I describe the walk anyway"

"I wasn't happy about Sam and Craig breaking up. Not at all. I never once thought that it would mean Sam might start liking me. All I cared about was the fact that Sam got really hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I did really love her. Because there was nothing to gain and that didn't matter"

"You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that it counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. Like take their hands when a slow song comes up for a change. Or be the one who asks someone for a date. Or tell people what you need.Or what you want. It's just that I don't want to be someone's crush. If someone likes me I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them"

"But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from here"

"And even if someone has it much worse, that  really doesn't change the fact what you have. I don't think I have it any better or worse than she does. I don't know, It's just different"

"It's just that sometimes people use thoughts not to participate in life"

"Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie...and even if they do, it's no excuse."

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite" (the most high profile line of the movie)

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Coming to more original thoughts where I am just not copy-pasting lines from the book, a sort parallel story running in the book talks about Charlie's sister being in an abusive relationship. Ironically the sister is portrayed to be a character who is quite feminist in her views. She thinks that cheer leading is stupid and sexist, that looks is not the main factor a girl should not be judged by and she denounces a portrayal of a woman being deemed worthless as 'an old maid' if she is not married. But all this doesn't count for squat in her relationship with her boyfriend. Charlie witnesses her boyfriend physically hitting her. She tells Charlie to swear not to tell their parents. Eventually Charlie confides to his English teacher about this who in turn tells her parents. When her parents forbid her from ever seeing her boyfriend again, she cries saying

"He's my whole world"

"Don't ever say that about anyone again. Not even me." said Mom

Eventually the sister gets back with her boyfriend in secret before ultimately breaking up with him when she has to undergo abortion all alone when she discovers that she got pregnant!

Another abusive relationship runs in the backdrop where Charlie's best friend Patrick is gay and is having a secret affair with a a guy named Brad. Brad is a high profile football player of the school team and is one of the popular guys. He can't stand anyone finding out about his sexual orientation so he completely ignores Patrick during normal hours not as much even looking at him. One day after Brad's father discovers their relationship and beats the stuffing out of Brad,  Brad goes as far as humiliating Patrick in public calling him a 'faggot' in front of all his football friends during which Patrick finally loses it and has a big public brawl in front of the entire school. 

The reason I quote these 2 stories is that there is something that disturbs me. Why do supposedly strong people put up being treated like absolute doormats from their partners?

At least in the above stories you can say that the people involved were kids - young, naive and stupid. But as I get older, I have discovered that this fact hasn't changed. Even when somebody has intentionally caused a person irreversible hurt, pain and betrayal, in so many cases, that person however rational he/she normally is just seem too willing to give the other person chance after chance hoping in their heart of hearts that the betrayal that happened was just a minor aberration and it would never happen again or even resigning to the fact that they will have to put up with this and be miserable simply because they can't live without the other person. They just take the crap/abuse Am not saying that the wrongful person in question here is a super evil brand of species who deserves to be hanged or something or that the person doesn't deserve a second chance if she/he is truly remorseful about what happened, Its just that I think - In any kind of relationship, I think that the balance of power needs to be more or less equal. Of course, it never can be 50-50 but it just shouldn't be so lopsided where one of the parties is allowed to manipulate and take the other party for an absolute ride. (I guess a parent - child relationship is by its inherent nature, a very lopsided relationship.)

I suppose in the very same book, the answer to my question is provided by Charlie's English teacher who says "Charlie, we accept the love that we think we deserve". It's a bit of a confusing answer. Does it really boil down to self esteem that you do not think of yourself worthy enough to move on from the things that don't really deserve to have a place in your life anymore?

It's very easy to wonder, comment and make judgments on something that you observe and when not in the same situation. I just wish that some people would realize that they are way too special to settle for something which does not give them the respect, love and dignity that they deserve.
  

As negative as all this sounds, this certainly is not my biggest takeaway from the book. The book though the character of Charlie is so wonderfully good and pure. By the end of the book, Charlie comes to terms with his past, realizes and acknowledges the value of his support system - family and friends even though they are aren't perfect, He finds perfections in small things like deep conversations, music, books, having a mentor to back you, the beautiful moments shared with Patrick, his sister and Sam.  He comes to embrace his uniqueness and exhibits unbridled optimism about his future where though he realizes that though by standing on the fringes of life, he has attained a unique perspective, the time has come to see what life looks like from the dance floor.

The ending can't have been captured more beautifully in the tunnel scene in the movie and the following lines in the book.

"Tomorrow, I start my sophomore year of high school. And believe it or not, I'm not really that afraid of going. I'm not sure if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to "participate"

So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even if they're not, they will be soon enough.

And I will believe the same about you.

Love always,
Charlie"

A real gem, Mr. Chbosky. Take a bow.