Sania - Rajdeep episode: An eye-opener

An over-thinker faces a peculiar problem of the head becoming heavy with the weight of thoughts. Have been started to feel that lately. So its high time to de-clog some of it...atleast the ones that I can afford to put on a public domain.

Post #1 

In a very recent WhatsApp  conversation with my Dad, somehow the topic of a person marrying 'off' his daughter came up. Being touchy about these issues, somehow hot irritation bubbled up inside me.

I messaged my dad - "Why the hell do people use the phrase marrying 'off' their daughters? It sounds like they are 'off' loading garbage elsewhere" <inserted all the angry smilies I could possibly find in my version of WhatsApp>

My dad defensively wrote back - "It's just an expression, Aditi. No need to take it literally."

I got more furious and angrily wrote back - "If its just an 'expression', why isn't it used for sons. I have never heard someone using the phrase 'marrying OFF my son" <inserted double the number of angry smilies of my previous message.>

My dad clearly got fed up and didn't engage further in this conversation.

Truth is for people like me who believe very strongly in gender equality in other words a feminist, even subtle sexist undertones in a conversation can REALLY touch a nerve. 

Which is why the Sania Mirza - Rajdeep Sardesai incident was a real eye-opener from me. Not in terms of the content (which is what feminists cry themselves hoarse shouting day in and day out) but in the way a feminist message was put across. 

The conversation went like this: 

Sardesai: Amidst all the celebrityhood, when is Sania going to settle down? Is it going to be in Dubai? Is it going to be in any other country? What about motherhood… building a family… I don’t see all that in the book, it seems like you don’t want to retire just yet to settle down.

Mirza: You don’t think I’m settled?

Sardesai: You don’t talk about retirement, about raising a family, about motherhood, what’s life beyond tennis is going to be…

Mirza: You sound disappointed that I’m not choosing motherhood over being number one in the world at this point of time. But I’ll answer your question anyway, that’s the question I face all the time as a woman, that all women have to face — the first is marriage and then it’s motherhood. Unfortunately, that’s when we’re settled, and no matter how many Wimbledons we win or number ones in the world we become, we don’t become settled. But eventually it will happen, not right now. And when it does happen I’ll be the first one to tell everybody when I plan to do that.

Sardesai: I must apologise, I framed that question very badly. I promise you, you’re right, I would never ask this question to a male athlete…

Mirza: I’m so glad, you’re the first journalist to apologise to me on national television

Basically I REALLY APPRECIATE the way Sania handled this very prickly question. She did not throw a tantrum like a hot-head like me would have. 

This is the thing. She shot back with wit and good grace while (and this is important) PUTTING HER POINT VERY EFFECTIVELY ACROSS. 

The lesson to learn is that even if you do possess a moral high ground on an issue, it is very important to try and put across your argument in such a manner that people who have opposite views are ready to engage with you (at least the sensible ones) and even at the end, if they aren't ready to accept your views they at least they respect your views. Acting arrogantly self-righteous, hoity toity, over-hyper, grouchy and foul tempered repels people from even listening to you even if you have a lot of sense to speak on the issue. I suppose that is why in general there appears to be an aversion to feminism espoused by 'raging' feminists.

Comparing my response to my dad in the incident quoted over a subtly sexist phrase and Sania's response to Rajdeep over an overtly sexist question, there is definitely a lesson for me to learn. I mean of course, it is way easier said than done especially when dealing with obnoxious gits. But I think its important to try at least with reasonable, empathetic individuals.

 If I had been a little cool headed in my above quoted conversation, I think maybe just maybe my Dad would have actually agreed with me instead of leaving the conversation very possibly lamenting the fact that his daughter has grown to become some paranoid, over-hyper, easily offended feminazi.

About Rajdeep, Being a part of the minority of India currently who actually respects him as  journalist (not to mention the added soft corner of him belonging to the same college that I studied in), I was extremely disappointed that out of all the unscrupulous elements present in Indian media, he is the one who came up with such an intrusive, lousy question which smacked of patriarchy. However, just as Sania has the grace of answering the question elegantly, Rajdeep had the grace of apologizing profusely immediately on national television (how many veterans who have accumulated that kind of experience not to mention an ego which comes as a natural side product have the humility to do this?). What I find extremely respect worthy was that he didn't apologize for the heck of it... just to appease the guest he offended but he knew exactly why he was apologizing - for the fact he would have never posed this question to a male athlete. 

I take it as an encouraging sign if people are willing to accept the fact the inherent patriarchy does exist in our society. Recognition is the first step to major overhaul in society attitudes towards women/other genders...and I do hope that one day - even if its one very far long distant day, we will get to becoming an egalitarian society.