Of magical moments in life

In the movie, 'La La Land', which is otherwise an annoyingly overrated movie (I have faced the wrath from a couple of really good friends who are huge fans of the movie for saying this), there is one scene in my opinion which is easily the best scene of the movie. The setting is when the main female lead (Emma Stone) is walking kinda dejectedly, alone on an empty street in the night. She suddenly stops when out of nowhere she hears a captivatingly melancholic tune play out from a piano. She gets drawn to the source of the music and enters a restaurant/club/bar where she discovers the pianist (Ryan Ghosling's character) playing the piano and she just stands there transfixed as she watches him play. I generally consider myself adequately competent in expressing myself when I write but in that moment of the scene, it is just virtually impossible for me to do justice to describe that expression on her face as she hears and watches him play that music. It is clear that the tune has a deeply moving effect on her like she is under some spell and even after he is done, she just continues to stare at the pianist in stunned silence (kudos to Emma Stone for emoting this so brilliantly and at the end of the day she was rewarded with an Oscar for this movie). It is such a simple moment but so magical.

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23rd and 24th June 2016

 “You know when I went trekking in a nearby area of the place where we are going to, the sky was so clear that I could see the Milky Way!!”, claimed a friend of mine who from teen-hood has always had this amazing knack of knowing exactly the right thing to say to make me hyper excited about anything she thinks I would look forward to.

I tried desperately hard to be calm and measured in my response - “You’re joking right?! Don’t do this ok….don’t build my expectations so much with your exaggerations!”

“Nooo! Even if not the Milky Way you probably will see more stars than you have in your life. Seriously!”, she exclaimed responding to my incredulous look.

The context of the above conversation was when 3 close pals and I were enroute to a remote place in Himachal Pradesh named Kalga for a getaway from city life for a couple of days exactly one year back. And I gotta say…despite not being a real great fan of the mountains, that place was one of the most breathtaking I have even seen in my life. It was pristine, green and untouched by commercialism. We were putting up at a guesthouse in that area which was literally in the middle of a forest with a spectacular view of the mountains. The best part was that as we had reached on a weekday, we had the whole of the cottage guesthouse where we were staying to ourselves

But well as pretentious this may sound, the thing I was looking forward to the most was star gazing at night.  Lord knows what it is with some people and stars! Maybe its the whole ‘we are such a tiny speck in such an enormous multiverse’ thing. Or maybe it just something as uncomplicated as liking twinkly, glittery and blingey things.  Truth is that being a resident of some pretty polluted cities, I have never actually seen a sky clear enough to be dotted with stars. The only time I really recall seeing a gorgeous night sky was when I was a kid and visited my native place during one of my summer vacations but I guess even that place has become quite polluted now ‘cause I never saw that sight again ever since. So I thought this was my best opportunity – a high altitude, secluded and a virtually pollution-free village situated randomly among the Himalayas to see a crystal clear sky. So by the time the night rolled in, literally every 15 minutes, I would stick my head outside the terrace and check the sky. And frankly, the only thing I could observe was one or two stars playing peek-a-boo in the sky. “I see more than this in the sky of the most polluted city on the earth where we live” I whined  to my friend who had gotten me excited about this whole aspect in the first place. “Well our bad luck that it’s a bit cloudy today .Maybe tomorrow will be better” she said sounding apologetic. Any way after a point I think I gave up gazing outside and after making a mental note to not overhype any personal expectations in the future, I turned my attention to the excellent surroundings, food, drinks, music and company for the remainder of the night.

The next day which was a Friday, we had an extraordinary day where we trekked most of the day and by the time we returned to the guest house in the evening, we were pretty exhausted and were looking forward to cap what had till now been a PERFECT day with a quiet, chilled out night like the one we had previously. To our annoyance, when we came back, there were 2 (or more) big gangs of college kids who had hogged the common dining space which we had entire ownership of the previous day and who more less took control of the music playlist. I can become quite a grouch especially when the music I am listening to is completely opposite to my taste and so as the night progressed, the constant loud chatter from those kids and the irritating music got to my nerves (god I am old!) and I just took off, leaving alone from my friends group to our room and, as an attempt to better my mood, made a last ditch effort to look skywards from our room window. "The last night in this place and still no goddamn stars.", I muttered to myself when the sky view exactly like the preceding night managed to disappoint me. I proceeded to lie down and try to go to sleep. I think an hour or so must have passed and it had reached beyond midnight before I realized what an ungrateful brat I was being for sulking for the silliest of reasons and not being with the people with whom I had spent one of the most incredible days of my life discounting the final few hours of the day. I decided rejoin my friends who at that point still had not come to the room. 

<Now as this is a one year old memory, the exact sequence of events from this point are a little hazy so I reproduce them to the best of my memory.>

When I got out of the room, I saw 2 of them still sitting in the common area and was going to rejoin them when I heard my name being called...I turned to see from the balcony, my 3rd friend calling me from just outside the cottage. "What on earth are you doin---" I started saying a bit confused. "Come down fast and call the other 2 ...", she responded urgently. I called my other 2 friends and the 3 of us went down just outside the house to join our friend who had called us. Even in the dark I could make out the excitement on her face and then she pointed upwards. We all looked up.

And there it was.

A clear clear sky filled with stars....... It was a setting where 4 friends were huddled together on a wooden bench in a small clearing just outside a cottage guesthouse surrounded by thick intense greenery under a dark sky full of stars at I think at about one am in the night, For most part, we were gazing upwards. I don't remember the conversation that probably went  on for at least an hour. But I do remember that warmth, that camaraderie , that feeling of utter contentment. As more time passed, the sky grew darker and the stars grew so bright that now it was virtually impossible to look anywhere besides skyward, Suddenly ...out of the blue...out of nowhere, the biggest, brightest most dazzling and in my case the only SHOOTING star I have ever seen just whizzed passed us.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", we all gasped loudly. This breathtaking moment was succeeded by a moment of comedy of sorts.

"What? Where? What just happened? yelled one of my friends frantically. 

The rest of us pounced on her with flabbergasted variations of Oh my dear god!Wtf? Wth? You missed it?....you missed THAT sight? How tf ? Whats the matter with you? ...........and even till today, we give her a hard time on how she managed to miss THAT shooting star. Amazingly enough, even after that massive shooting star graced us with its fleeting presence, there was a trail of more shooting stars which followed it albeit much smaller. 

"A wave of intense happiness washed over me, and I told myself to carry this moment as a talisman of a time in my life when I was both truly content and lucky enough to realize it."

I guess the above quote describes best what I felt in that moment. I guess a lot of times, we fail to really enjoy the moment as it truly deserves to be savored and then when we look back, then we realize that in hindsight what a moment it really was. But there are those rare moments where you are just fully 100% consciously present totally and absolutely aware that what you are experiencing is magic or something very close ....whether it is being completely struck paralyzed by a piece of music or star gazing lost in the mountains with close pals. Best part is I guess beauty of life lies in the simplest of moments. 

Probably, the above 2 moments I have listed in this post sound over-dramatized or over-romanticized but there is absolutely no way...no darn way I could ever ever ever, even when I look back after 50 years, over-dramatize or over-romanticize what I felt on that trip in a June night of 2016. On the contrary, even if I exert my most powerful vocabulary skills, any word/s would fall short of the sense of wonder I truly felt that day. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) not all the most superior moments in life can be captured on camera....but they get captured in your memories... and in the heart. An sometimes, in addition, they get captured flimsily in a post like this....to serve as a reminder if or when reminding is ever needed that no matter what changes - whether the people, whether the surroundings or anything else for that matter, magical moments in the past and the happiness associated with them never change and more importantly that there will be countless moments like these that are yet to be lived in a lifetime.

Michelle Obama's speech: By a woman for a woman

I have followed the past few US Presidential elections the same way a person mildly interested in sports follows the Football World Cup – enough interest to keep tab of the status of the prominent teams involved and scores, even watch a couple of important matches but not that much interest to invest emotionally in it.

But that leaked tape of Donald Trump making lewd comments about women for some inexplicable reason had a really jarring and mortifying effect on me. This despite the fact that:

1) There is so much fodder available regarding many Indian politician’s statements on women that I’d assume that all ability to be shocked is lost into space
2) Like a lot of women, I am pretty much resigned to the feeling that objectification of women is too widespread culturally to wish away
3) That some really shady elements especially in positions of power have this sense of entitlement where they can violate who they think are beneath them and get away with it is no secret

But to hear what you sense in verbalized form so vulgar and brazen that too from a person running for arguably the most influential position in the world was really a punch in the stomach.
I tried to think coherently and logically about this shit storm by gathering different points of view emerging from global coverage and writing about it. But all that managed to come out of me was a barrage of expletives that could cut down a forest.

I finally got an answer to why this had an overwhelming effect on me in the form of Michelle Obama’s speech yesterday. Minus the endorsement/political part of it, hers was a remarkable speech which I do hope will be remembered for a very long time to come. In the first 10-15 minutes of her speech, not only did every single word of hers resonate with me (and I am sure a lot of people especially women), but she took a powerful stand against something that is so obviously wrong…something that spineless worms like the section of people who after having condemned the words (whether religious group or even women for that matter) have failed to do by still continuing to defend and offer support to someone who is clearly morally bankrupt.

As I have grown up, I have tried to, over the years convince myself that there is no black and white in life and that what is right and wrong, a lot of times, is just a matter of perception. Guess in a way, it’s a defense mechanism to navigate through this world as an adult. But some things in life like viewing women in the way Donald Trump does are just clear cut wrong...some things are as Michelle puts it – about basic human decency.

Thanks Michelle Obama for rationalizing my anger in a way that I just couldn’t.

PS - I wish there was some way where qualities like basic human decency be made measurable, quantifiable items that could be used as automatic disqualifying criteria for people running for high ranking public offices. Then democratic elections would be about selecting who you think is right for the job and not who is least of the evil options which is what is appearing to happen increasingly

Captain America 3: Civil War: Action, Humour, Substance

Post #4

Have always like mindless superhero movies/cartoons as a kid and even now for that matter. Grew up following the Spiderman, Avengers, X-Men, Iron Man series etc.

It's easy to just escape to a world where good and bad is just so clearly defined. A righteous hero kicking the ass of some maniacal, flamboyant villain who most of the times wants to demolish the entire planet earth.

That way, Captain America 3: Civil War was quite different from the films of this genre. It dealt with a whole host of super-heroes maneuvering their way in the real world where collateral damage is a reality. In super-hero movies, when escaping into a brilliant spectacle where buildings get destroyed by the droves, cars get smashed up, who really thinks about those unfortunate souls who somehow are in the wrong place in the wrong time bang in the middle of the mega fights between  the heroes and villains and lose their lives in the process.

There are 2 points in this film which kinda actually made me wrestle with conflicting feelings about how I felt about the situation:

Conflict #1: Pretty much right at the start of the film, the superheroes get divided into 2 camps. The first camp led by Tony Stark (Iron Man) feels that as the Avengers have gone out of control and are despised by the world as 'US based vigilantes' who have no regard for collateral damage, they need to kept reigned in by an accord signed by the 100+ nations of the UN. Under this accord, they no longer can operate independently and have to operate under controlled conditions according to the mandate of the UN accords signed.

The second camp led by Steve Rogers (Captain America) believes that the Avengers being controlled by an external body like UN is an awful idea because an external body consists of people with agendas and agendas can always change. In short they will be puppets and will always be at the biding of their political masters which won't always ensure that they do the right things that needs to be done. They regret the collateral damage which happens due to their activities but are of the opinion that it's better to save most people possible than to save none at all.

To be honest, I think both are extremely compelling arguments. On one hand there has to be accountability when there is collateral damage. On the other hand about the point of people with agendas and agendas changing, I do believe it to be true given the experience I have had till now in a public set up

It's confusing really - weirdly enough my head sides with stand taken by Iron man and my heart with that of Captain America!

This conflict sort of has a political undertone. Have realized that its just SO much easier when you strongly believe in a certain type ideology like those rabid left or right wingers who go on barking covering their ears refusing to even listen to a diverse point of view. You get screwed if you are a moderate who is willing to be open to both sides of the argument.

Conflict #2: So the 'villain' in this film is probably the most sympathy inducing villain in any superhero film/cartoon I have seen.  He lost his entire family including children, wife and dad who were civilians who got caught in the middle of a battle between the Avengers and Ultron. He is hellbent on revenge and thinks that the best way of getting rid of the Avengers is stoking infighting between them. Again this is such a grey area. It's a classic case of of the Joker quote "Why should I apologize for the monster I have become? No one ever apologized for making me this way?" Even in real life, it seems to me that at the heart of most of the conflicts in the world are such 'monsters' who at some point have been wronged. Again, most people aided by an unethical media choose to take the convenient option of viewing such conflicts through the narrow lens of nationalism, religion, regionism etc and pontificate on what's right and wrong

When you are a kid, you sincerely believe that everything is black and white and if you are a decent person, your hope is that you'll always strive to do what's right. And when you do finally grow up, you realize that so many times, what is right and wrong is just a matter of perspective.

Think that the best part of the film was despite its serious themes, the light hearted humour was quite a delight not to mention the breathtaking action sequences. In my opinion that's why this film scores over the Dark Knight films which was of course are very thought provoking and brilliant but too darkly intense and draining

I guess at the end of the day, adopting a humorous approach towards life certainly is the best weapon to avoid being overwhelmed by the seriousness of it.

Empathy too is a very powerful tool when 2 opinions are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. Even if it does not dissolve barriers, atleast it manages to dissolve the bitterness surrounding it which still leaves the possibility of resolution of the conflict open.

This is summed up perfectly in the last few lines of a letter by Steve to Tony at the end of the movie which reads

"I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you're doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do. That's all any of us should...so no matter what, I promise you, if you need us - if you need me - I'll be there.

Pic courtesy RDJ FB pg

Children's books - Really for kids?

Post #3

I randomly came across a FB post which had the quote from "Wizard of Oz"

"I know I have a heart because it is breaking."

I very very vaguely remember this being a line from Tinman who doesn't have a heart and has approached the Wizard of Oz to magically give him one because he wants to experience human feelings.

I was quite bowled over at the depth of this quote. Today I look at this quote and it means so much more than what it appears on the surface. Point is that coming from a book probably everyone read as a kid, who would think a children's book would contain such profound lines!

When I discussed this with a very good friend, as wise and brilliant as she is, she gave a fabulous insight on this. She said that she had come across a theory that some of these 'children's' books (like the ones from Dr. Seuss) weren't written for children. They were in fact written for the adults who were reading these stories out to their kids!

I find this to be very interesting indeed. I'll definitely look out for such hidden gems in such childhood tales when I get the opportunity to read out stories to the future generation. 

Bhai's misogynist comment - too pervasive for comfort

Post #2

Actor Salman Khan or 'Bhai' as he is referred made a shocking comment which created a furore across the country. Talking about playing a wrestler in his film, he idiotically remarked:

"When I used to walk out of the ring, after the shoot, I used to feel like a raped woman. I couldn't walk straight,"

This resulted in him being slapped with notices by National Commission for Women and Delhi Commission for Women asking him to tender an apology. I for obvious reasons am not a fan of Bhai. But the fact is that immediately after passing this distasteful comment, he apologized for it.
But let's get to the more disturbing fact. Using rape analogy is very pervasive in common language even among educated. I can't even begin to explain how many times I have heard phrases like "I got raped in the interview", "My <insert favourite sports team> got raped yesterday." etc etc etc. Not to mention the overgenerous use of the despicable MF/SF/MC/BC words (I for the life of me have never understood why to insult people, you need to drag in their mothers and sisters in between) as nouns, verbs, adjectives you name it. No one apologizes for that.Hell no one even thinks its a big deal. Its accepted as a part of normal language and culture with no one batting an eyelid let alone notices from NCW/DCW being slapped on people who use such language (to think of it, if every person who used such violent language were issued such notices, the number of notices to be issued would probably require the amount of paper that would deforest our entire nation)

Which is why I am surprised at the MASSIVE coverage that Bhai's comment got. I suppose its because he is a celebrity. I think the best thing that happen out of this episode is if ordinary citizens can reflect on the violence of the language that they use on a daily basis without thinking and be more conscious of not tacitly encouraging violence against women by using such language. 

Sania - Rajdeep episode: An eye-opener

An over-thinker faces a peculiar problem of the head becoming heavy with the weight of thoughts. Have been started to feel that lately. So its high time to de-clog some of it...atleast the ones that I can afford to put on a public domain.

Post #1 

In a very recent WhatsApp  conversation with my Dad, somehow the topic of a person marrying 'off' his daughter came up. Being touchy about these issues, somehow hot irritation bubbled up inside me.

I messaged my dad - "Why the hell do people use the phrase marrying 'off' their daughters? It sounds like they are 'off' loading garbage elsewhere" <inserted all the angry smilies I could possibly find in my version of WhatsApp>

My dad defensively wrote back - "It's just an expression, Aditi. No need to take it literally."

I got more furious and angrily wrote back - "If its just an 'expression', why isn't it used for sons. I have never heard someone using the phrase 'marrying OFF my son" <inserted double the number of angry smilies of my previous message.>

My dad clearly got fed up and didn't engage further in this conversation.

Truth is for people like me who believe very strongly in gender equality in other words a feminist, even subtle sexist undertones in a conversation can REALLY touch a nerve. 

Which is why the Sania Mirza - Rajdeep Sardesai incident was a real eye-opener from me. Not in terms of the content (which is what feminists cry themselves hoarse shouting day in and day out) but in the way a feminist message was put across. 

The conversation went like this: 

Sardesai: Amidst all the celebrityhood, when is Sania going to settle down? Is it going to be in Dubai? Is it going to be in any other country? What about motherhood… building a family… I don’t see all that in the book, it seems like you don’t want to retire just yet to settle down.

Mirza: You don’t think I’m settled?

Sardesai: You don’t talk about retirement, about raising a family, about motherhood, what’s life beyond tennis is going to be…

Mirza: You sound disappointed that I’m not choosing motherhood over being number one in the world at this point of time. But I’ll answer your question anyway, that’s the question I face all the time as a woman, that all women have to face — the first is marriage and then it’s motherhood. Unfortunately, that’s when we’re settled, and no matter how many Wimbledons we win or number ones in the world we become, we don’t become settled. But eventually it will happen, not right now. And when it does happen I’ll be the first one to tell everybody when I plan to do that.

Sardesai: I must apologise, I framed that question very badly. I promise you, you’re right, I would never ask this question to a male athlete…

Mirza: I’m so glad, you’re the first journalist to apologise to me on national television

Basically I REALLY APPRECIATE the way Sania handled this very prickly question. She did not throw a tantrum like a hot-head like me would have. 

This is the thing. She shot back with wit and good grace while (and this is important) PUTTING HER POINT VERY EFFECTIVELY ACROSS. 

The lesson to learn is that even if you do possess a moral high ground on an issue, it is very important to try and put across your argument in such a manner that people who have opposite views are ready to engage with you (at least the sensible ones) and even at the end, if they aren't ready to accept your views they at least they respect your views. Acting arrogantly self-righteous, hoity toity, over-hyper, grouchy and foul tempered repels people from even listening to you even if you have a lot of sense to speak on the issue. I suppose that is why in general there appears to be an aversion to feminism espoused by 'raging' feminists.

Comparing my response to my dad in the incident quoted over a subtly sexist phrase and Sania's response to Rajdeep over an overtly sexist question, there is definitely a lesson for me to learn. I mean of course, it is way easier said than done especially when dealing with obnoxious gits. But I think its important to try at least with reasonable, empathetic individuals.

 If I had been a little cool headed in my above quoted conversation, I think maybe just maybe my Dad would have actually agreed with me instead of leaving the conversation very possibly lamenting the fact that his daughter has grown to become some paranoid, over-hyper, easily offended feminazi.

About Rajdeep, Being a part of the minority of India currently who actually respects him as  journalist (not to mention the added soft corner of him belonging to the same college that I studied in), I was extremely disappointed that out of all the unscrupulous elements present in Indian media, he is the one who came up with such an intrusive, lousy question which smacked of patriarchy. However, just as Sania has the grace of answering the question elegantly, Rajdeep had the grace of apologizing profusely immediately on national television (how many veterans who have accumulated that kind of experience not to mention an ego which comes as a natural side product have the humility to do this?). What I find extremely respect worthy was that he didn't apologize for the heck of it... just to appease the guest he offended but he knew exactly why he was apologizing - for the fact he would have never posed this question to a male athlete. 

I take it as an encouraging sign if people are willing to accept the fact the inherent patriarchy does exist in our society. Recognition is the first step to major overhaul in society attitudes towards women/other genders...and I do hope that one day - even if its one very far long distant day, we will get to becoming an egalitarian society.

Wisdom from 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'

Art is a very subjective form of creative expression. There are those rare times where a piece of art, whether a part of music, or a painting or a movie or a book has such an unmatched capability of connecting at various levels of your being, it's not even funny.

"The Perks of being a Wallflower" is about an awkward teenager named Charlie navigating his way through his first year of high school.  It's a book and movie written and directed by the same person - Stephen Chbosky. I had seen the movie a couple of months back. Although, I wouldn't count it as one of my favourite movies, it certainly had some brilliant moments in it.

I managed to read the book today. Basically the book is in the form of a series of letters the main character Charlie who writes to some unknown entity whom he refers to as, "Dear Friend" talking about his life, his thoughts and feelings. He comes with a lot of baggage. He was sexually abused as a kid by his aunt which comes to light by the end of the book, his best friend committed suicide, he is quite a literature geek who gobbles up books, he is one of those socially awkward 'uncool' kids, very sensitive, has a beautiful heart, incredibly genuine, sincere even naive.  But according to me, what really stands out about him is his profound thoughts reflecting maturity way beyond his 15 years of age.  I was struck by some absolute pearls of wisdom scattered throughout the book in Charlie's letters that I felt the need of having a pen handy for underlining some lines which I really do not intend to forget for a very very long time. This is possibly the first non study material book where I have actually felt the need of doing something like this.

Anybody reading this post most likely has watched the movie given its popularity. Frankly, given the writer of the book and director of the movie is the same person, the movie is as possibly close to the book as it can get. The casting of characters is flawless. In fact, some of the crucial moments are expressed much more poignantly in the movie than in the book. This was quite a major surprise for me because I have always belonged to the old school of thought where books beat movies in terms of depth of expression hands down, 

The purpose of writing this post is to pen down those lines of the book which probably did not make it to the movie. Mind you the guy writing these letters is just 15. It obviously would be more ideal to read these lines with context but even as stand alone lines, they do manage to have the intended effect Here goes:

"It would be nice to have a friend again. I would like that even more than a date."

"I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like. It's much easier to not know thing sometimes"

"It's just hard to see a friend hurt this much. Especially when you can't do anything except 'be there'. I want to make him stop hurting, but I can't"

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt I looked 'good'. Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair's right for the first time in your life? I don't think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day. But when it happens, it's nice, it really is."

"Do you enjoy holidays with your family? Personally, I do. I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other."

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that."

"I wish that God or my parents or Sam or my sister or someone would just tell me whats wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in  way that makes sense. To make all this go away. And disappear. I know that's wrong because it's my responsibility, and I know that things get worse before they get better because that's what my psychiatrist says, but this is a worse that feels too big."

"I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember this for the next time I'm having a terrible week. Have you ever done that? You feel really bad, and then it goes away, and you don't know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week coming someday, so I should store as many great details as I can, so during the next terrible week, I can remember those details and believe that I'll feel great again. It doesn't work a lot, but I think it's very important to try.

"I just had an amazing feeling when I finally held the tape in my hand, there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. Right there in the palm of my hand. And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people have got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.  And how much those songs really mean. I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person."

""Inside the card I told Sam that the present I gave her was given to me by Aunt Helen. It was an old 45 year old record that had the Beatles song 'Something'. I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn't mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways. So, I was giving it to Sam."

"I wish I could stop being in love with Sam. I really do."

"I would die for you. But I won't live for you" - quoted from Fountainhead 

"We'll all be talking till its time to go home. Then, when I get home, Mary Elizabeth will call me right away and ask me, "What's up?" And I don't know what to say because the only thing new in my life is my walk home, which isn't a lot. But I describe the walk anyway"

"I wasn't happy about Sam and Craig breaking up. Not at all. I never once thought that it would mean Sam might start liking me. All I cared about was the fact that Sam got really hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I did really love her. Because there was nothing to gain and that didn't matter"

"You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that it counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. Like take their hands when a slow song comes up for a change. Or be the one who asks someone for a date. Or tell people what you need.Or what you want. It's just that I don't want to be someone's crush. If someone likes me I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them"

"But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from here"

"And even if someone has it much worse, that  really doesn't change the fact what you have. I don't think I have it any better or worse than she does. I don't know, It's just different"

"It's just that sometimes people use thoughts not to participate in life"

"Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie...and even if they do, it's no excuse."

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite" (the most high profile line of the movie)

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Coming to more original thoughts where I am just not copy-pasting lines from the book, a sort parallel story running in the book talks about Charlie's sister being in an abusive relationship. Ironically the sister is portrayed to be a character who is quite feminist in her views. She thinks that cheer leading is stupid and sexist, that looks is not the main factor a girl should not be judged by and she denounces a portrayal of a woman being deemed worthless as 'an old maid' if she is not married. But all this doesn't count for squat in her relationship with her boyfriend. Charlie witnesses her boyfriend physically hitting her. She tells Charlie to swear not to tell their parents. Eventually Charlie confides to his English teacher about this who in turn tells her parents. When her parents forbid her from ever seeing her boyfriend again, she cries saying

"He's my whole world"

"Don't ever say that about anyone again. Not even me." said Mom

Eventually the sister gets back with her boyfriend in secret before ultimately breaking up with him when she has to undergo abortion all alone when she discovers that she got pregnant!

Another abusive relationship runs in the backdrop where Charlie's best friend Patrick is gay and is having a secret affair with a a guy named Brad. Brad is a high profile football player of the school team and is one of the popular guys. He can't stand anyone finding out about his sexual orientation so he completely ignores Patrick during normal hours not as much even looking at him. One day after Brad's father discovers their relationship and beats the stuffing out of Brad,  Brad goes as far as humiliating Patrick in public calling him a 'faggot' in front of all his football friends during which Patrick finally loses it and has a big public brawl in front of the entire school. 

The reason I quote these 2 stories is that there is something that disturbs me. Why do supposedly strong people put up being treated like absolute doormats from their partners?

At least in the above stories you can say that the people involved were kids - young, naive and stupid. But as I get older, I have discovered that this fact hasn't changed. Even when somebody has intentionally caused a person irreversible hurt, pain and betrayal, in so many cases, that person however rational he/she normally is just seem too willing to give the other person chance after chance hoping in their heart of hearts that the betrayal that happened was just a minor aberration and it would never happen again or even resigning to the fact that they will have to put up with this and be miserable simply because they can't live without the other person. They just take the crap/abuse Am not saying that the wrongful person in question here is a super evil brand of species who deserves to be hanged or something or that the person doesn't deserve a second chance if she/he is truly remorseful about what happened, Its just that I think - In any kind of relationship, I think that the balance of power needs to be more or less equal. Of course, it never can be 50-50 but it just shouldn't be so lopsided where one of the parties is allowed to manipulate and take the other party for an absolute ride. (I guess a parent - child relationship is by its inherent nature, a very lopsided relationship.)

I suppose in the very same book, the answer to my question is provided by Charlie's English teacher who says "Charlie, we accept the love that we think we deserve". It's a bit of a confusing answer. Does it really boil down to self esteem that you do not think of yourself worthy enough to move on from the things that don't really deserve to have a place in your life anymore?

It's very easy to wonder, comment and make judgments on something that you observe and when not in the same situation. I just wish that some people would realize that they are way too special to settle for something which does not give them the respect, love and dignity that they deserve.
  

As negative as all this sounds, this certainly is not my biggest takeaway from the book. The book though the character of Charlie is so wonderfully good and pure. By the end of the book, Charlie comes to terms with his past, realizes and acknowledges the value of his support system - family and friends even though they are aren't perfect, He finds perfections in small things like deep conversations, music, books, having a mentor to back you, the beautiful moments shared with Patrick, his sister and Sam.  He comes to embrace his uniqueness and exhibits unbridled optimism about his future where though he realizes that though by standing on the fringes of life, he has attained a unique perspective, the time has come to see what life looks like from the dance floor.

The ending can't have been captured more beautifully in the tunnel scene in the movie and the following lines in the book.

"Tomorrow, I start my sophomore year of high school. And believe it or not, I'm not really that afraid of going. I'm not sure if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to "participate"

So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even if they're not, they will be soon enough.

And I will believe the same about you.

Love always,
Charlie"

A real gem, Mr. Chbosky. Take a bow.